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CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let
her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears,
and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the
ball, but only on two conditions.   "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees.   "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by
2:00 a.m.  Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m.  The appointed hour comes and
goes and Cinderella doesn't show up.  Finally, at 5:00 a.m., Cinderella
shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?"
demands the Fairy Godmother.  "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a
pumpkin three hours ago!!!" " I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care
of everything." The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that
kind of power! Tell me his name!" Cinderella replied, I can't remember,
exactly, . Peter, Peter, something or other..."
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PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
splinters when they were having sex.  Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A
couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and
asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a
girlfriend?"
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LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big
Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat,
said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding
Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and
pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just
like it says in the book."
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MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to
Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I didn't
say she was crazy, I said she's f--king Goofy."
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SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind
him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to
me! Lie to me!"
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Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
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One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle.  She was very attracted to him and
during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to have
sex.  "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he
said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, "
Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs.
"Here," she said, "you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth,
stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.  Jane
rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did
you do that for?" "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan